Shirley Parker
“I’m proud of who I am. Nobody can shame me for that because that’s who I am.”
Shirley Parker, a lesbian woman born and raised in Astoria, Queens. “I’m proud of who I am. Nobody can shame me for that because that’s who I am.”
Even at a relatively young age, Shirley wasn’t afraid to be spontaneous. At 19 or 20 years old, Shirley moved to London for two weeks upon invitation. She said this about the experience: “They say New York City is the city that never sleeps, and wake up with a bad hangover. So there's always stuff going on around here, which I love. I lived in London too. I’ll tell you how I got there: a partner of mine. What happened was that I was in this club called ‘Better Days;’ it no longer exists.” - “I met this woman. She was from Malta. She was Maltese. And what happened was, she was here on holiday. And I met her and she said she was born in Italy. But she's here on vacation. She lives in London. So at the time, we became penpals. So she said, ‘Well, why don't you go?’ and I was like, ‘ah well… [expressing hesitance]’ So my mother said, ‘Why don't you go before you have kids? Just go.’ So I got my passport and everything, and I sent her a copy to let her know for sure because I didn't want to get out the airport and be stranded.
Every so often, you will encounter people who possess an enviable sense of confidence. Shirley Parker is one of those people. Over the course of two interviews, she spoke on various topics, including relationships, social expectations, and gender roles, with wisecracks and wisdom scattered throughout. The hope is that as you read the following text, you’ll get to know Shirley and better understand her as a mother, a mentor, a friend, a member of the NYC queer community, and as a person.“I was raised in Astoria, Queens.” These were the words with which Shirley started the first interview. The way she talked about the neighborhood of her youth was evidence enough that it was a formative place for her. “We did all the games you could think of. Everything.” Soon enough, it became apparent that basketball was her favorite pastime growing up. “I lived and breathed basketball, I love it. … We played Skelly and all this other stuff, but basketball... That was my thing.” Though she played on her high school team, she confessed: “Really I liked street ball. My brothers taught me how to play.” While her brothers may have had a head start, Shirley quickly caught up with them. “They weren't able to beat me for years … I owned them every night.”
Parker (bottom row, center) poses with her brother (top row, center), her boyfriend’s sister, and Shirley’s sister (on either side of Parker).
A photo of Parker and her infant son.
And I swear, she came in. She met me, I stayed for two weeks. And then the next year she came and stayed with us for two weeks.” Shirley spoke fondly of the experience saying, “I love styling, culture, whatever the culture is. I like it. … so I loved London.” (Words can only do so much in describing Shirley’s fashion sense, so we suggest admiring the couture she displays in the photographs).
Several years after her London trip, Shirley met her partner through her job at a women’s shelter in Jamaica, Queens. The two then moved to Puerto Rico where Shirley lived for over three years. “She worked in there. But she was in the military side over there. And then we started, you know, dating, and then her mother got sick. And then I moved to PR; she lived in the country. … then when we broke up, she helped me get an apartment in the city. So I lived [in Puerto Rico] all together about three years and a half. And at that time when I was living there, that's when they had the big oil spill. I don't know if you know about that. … I turned the water on, it was oil in the water from the ships back then. I lived here for a while. And of course, I eventually moved back-"nothing like New York City".
Parker and her girlfriend at the time. The couple have matching braids done by one of Parker's sisters.
Evidently, New York holds a special place in Shirley’s heart. She still resides in the city, and to our understanding, much of her family does too. She has six siblings (four are alive today) with whom she shared a close bond. Shirley also spoke highly of her parents, especially in her account of their acceptance of her as a lesbian. While accepting, her father’s perspective on queerness was conditional, telling Shirley that if one of her brothers were to come out gay, he would disown them. He also reminded Shirley that as a straight woman, she would have greater opportunity to gain wealth and status because of male susceptibility to sexual desire. “What you have down there,” he said, referring to her female reproductive parts, “is a gold mine.” After sharing this anecdote with us, Shirley pointed out the ideology of double standards that surround queerness. Shirley noted that her father’s mindset is especially common in Black communities, where men are expected to be masculine, woman-loving figures. She highlighted how men who have lots of sex receive social approval, describing them as “playa-playas from the Himalayas,” whereas sexually active women are often judged for their actions.
Parker poses between her two brothers.
Shirley talked a great deal about her experience growing up as a Queer woman. She described having her first sexual experience with a woman at a young age and, from that moment, knowing that she liked women. Her sexuality is a key component of her identity that she is very proud of. She believes in living your truth, and devoting little attention to the people who don’t accept her, saying “I’ve got two words for them–and it ain’t ‘thank you.’” Her message to others is clear: “I’m proud of who I am. Nobody can shame me for that because that’s who I am.” She lives freely, often expressing herself through her unique fashion sense. She remarked: “If you went into my closet and saw the clothes I had in there, you’d think a man and a woman was living there,” highlighting her fluctuating inclinations towards gendered clothing.
Shirley also spoke about her religious background. Both of her parents were originally Baptist, but her father converted to Islam when Shirley was young. As a teen, Shirley abandoned her family’s faith, as she felt the church did not support her sexual identity. Her relationship with religion changed in recent years when she began attending a Baptist church. When asked whether or not she feels comfortable and supported in her new church, Shirley told us “Oh I told them right off the bat,” referring to a conversation she had with the pastor early on, where she told him, “You know I’m a Lesbian, right?” The pastor assured Shirley that her sexual identity makes no difference to him since he sees people for their souls more than anything else.
Parker posing with her son in her guard uniform from working at a women’s shelter.
Parker posing for a picture on a car.
Now living at the SAGE center in the Bronx, Shirley expressed her love for the people she’s met there, and the way it’s allowed her to help others. “I’m like the poster child,” she said, referring to the role she took on in mentoring friends and family who haven’t yet come out as queer. She also spoke about how the expectations of masculinity in her community growing up have affected her loved ones’ ability to embrace queer identities. Shirley has led by example to show these people that they can find community and belonging in places like SAGE. In each of Shirley's stories, her confidence and compassion shone through, much like her big personality. She expressed her openness to finding love and reflected with gratitude upon the good times she’s had with past partners. Most importantly, Shirley emphasized the importance of being yourself.
Parker (left) and her partner (right) she met in a club